french is hard.i keep getting it mixed with english.haha.gonna study really hard.

my friends often say they admire me for being so joyful and cheerful most of the time.well.let me tell you guys.im the really the type of person that shows his real emotions out.i think its really pointless to be moody or even show sour faces in front of people that has nothing to do with the problem youre having.so i may be smiling all the time.but deep inside,i doubt you understand what im really feeling or thinking.not even my besties can understand me well.so if youre just a normal friend of mine,dont even think that you understand me.coz youre not even close to it.smiling all the time especially in front of strangers will give them a good impression of yourself.not only that,smiling can brighten a persons day,especially a sad or a moody one.so why dont you smile everyday,when you can make a persons day better?

dear nat said my english is good =) thank you.thats nice of you.but your english is good too.and she has started BLOGGING too.oh no~~~~but i dont think she wants to reveal her site to the public yet.hhahaah jia you.

will be playing in the futsal competition later.dint really wanted to take part but adam called me and he managed to persuade me into it.so hope gods on my side.if we cant win th tournament,at least we win some matches. =)

i really need you by my side.badly.

meet up with johnson at mid valley just now.glad to be seeing him again.he hasnt change much.had dinner at yoshinoya.its quite nice.kai tings going to sg on nov and johnsons going on aug next year.hmm...seems like everyones going over to sg to study.haha



hmm...gotta sleep earlier coz i dont want to fall asleep in class again like just now.and i will be having my first french class.very excited and nervous at the same time.haha

lifes back on track now and ive been trying hard to improve everything.my studies my lifestyle and lots more.after so many things happen in the past years,ive managed to reminisce most of it and learn from them so that i can be a better person and wont let the very same mistakes happen again.there are quite a few items which i want badly but im currently quite broke.esp after buying my shoes.haha.so im trying hard to save money and hopefully by next year i can get a new swatch irony.but before that i think i will get a notebook cooler first and then a pair of good speakers,hopefully harman/kardon if i can find it here or if not altec lansing.

just now,we went to jusco near the lrt station and we passed by starbucks which was inside jusco.man i really feel like buying a drink there.but i dont really like to drink alone unless when im sad.but who can i go with??most of my friends dont like to patronise places like that.i really wish there was someone who could accompany me.

johnsons coming over tomorrow.haha.will be going over to meet him at mid valley after my classes end.so it will be around 6pm.hopefully i can get there by 7.haha.shit ive got lecture at 8am tomorrow and im still blogging here.oh no....

there isnt much classes this week.i dont know why but it seems like the lecturers and tutors are being somehow struck by some plague.alot with mc.others meeting.as a result,we only go to school for like 1 or 2 hours a day.pathetic isnt it.but when they replace the class,it will be crap.i dont even bother to imagine about it.since there was only one class just now,i decided to go to the gym for a workout.but peng yang invited me for volleyball so i accepted it.there were quite a number of chicks in the gym but unfortunately,i wasnt into any of them because all of them are short-haired.haha i prefer long hair chicks XD walked back with vicknesvaran after the workout as hes staying near my house.and he told me that im thinner now haha.and he also told me a very disturbing fact.he said last years BASIC ELECTRONIC & MICROPROCESSORS passing rate was less than 30% of all 3 courses.mechatronics,electronics and telecommunication.will i have to fail again???oh no...im so worried now.

im quite happy that all my friends from my ex-class graduate.i was quite surprised when olivia told me that.i mean edmonds result was like shit.mine was better than him la.that means i can graduate too?hahah harry graduate too.glad to hear that.congrats!!!

physics is like so hard....i cant even do the past year questions which miss bong asked us to pass it up as an assignment.hmm maybe its because we havent even learn about it yet.how foolish of me.

meanwhile,johnson told me that hes coming over on monday with his girfriend,kai ting and his girlfriends brother and sister.hmm.its will be ncie to be seeing them again =) cant wait.

should i push myself more than before??or should i not and just let things be??i need guidance.someone please give me a decent answer.

charlene gave me a link to a blog that belongs to her senior and its a really touching blog.its the best blog ive read.its really different from alot of blogs.i salute to her courage.she dared to stand up and offer her seat to a mid-aged man standing in from of her in a MRT.how about you??frankly,i would have thought the same way but i doubt that i will have the courage to do so.after reading her blog,it really inspired me alot.and i hope that it will do the same thing to you guys.

anyway,just now a friend of mine cried after reading my blog.i was surprised when the person told me about it.the person said she couldnt believed that i became so weak and wasnt able to handle the fact that i did pretty bad for my exams.to you guys,this may seem to be a tiny matter,but to me its really a severe blow.it felt like ive lost everything.but anyway,now im fine after so many peoples comforting.so you guys dont have to worry anymore aite. =) im fine.

but theres still one thing that isnt fine.i want to go for a movie......its four months since i last went into a cinema.aaargghhhhhhhhhhh....i want to watch THE MAGIC GOURD.seems nice.

after thinking for the whole night last night,ive decided to try my best again this time.and i will 10 times more hardworking than before so that i will not let my parents down this time.i feel better after talking my mum.she said it was ok as long as i tried my best.ive chosen this course myself so i am to bear all the burden alone.people often say mechatronics is a very hard course and i believed none of them.but now i too think its a hard course but i chose it myself.the consequences of studying mechatronics is that no slacking is allowed.and i did slack everyonce in awhile last semester.and maybe thats why i failed 2 subjects.and prolly most of the people are sleeping now or are having fun and im still awake studying...and i had to quit all my games too so that i wont be addicted to any of them.and if im addicted,i will fail everything and thats the end for me.and i dont want that to happen to me either.

thanks a million to my friends who stood by me and gave me mental support when i was down
esp jie ying for comforting me through msn,kuiyin for calling me for awhile,charlene for her constant support and talking to me and connie for talking to me for an hour.i owe you guys alot.

thank you mum for giving me another chance. =)

just checked my results online and this is the first time i feel so bad about it and to be honest.i cried.mum called me up and told me it was okay.but i feel like im a failure.how could i fail 2 subjects.and i only got a fucking B for nation building.ENGLISH an A- only....my physics and computer studies C...fuck....i hate myself....decided to skip all classes as all are lectures.and rethink my life.should i continue studying??when i cant even do well in the first semester.sigh.fucking down and sad now...sigh...wished i could talk to someoone now...i cant beelieve these are my results.


AELE1023
ENGLISH LANGUAGE A-


AEMS2022
HUBUNGAN ETNIK(NATION BUILDING) B


ATGE1013
MATHEMATICS I F


ATGE1043
ENGINEERING SCIENCE I C+

ATGE1063
COMPUTER STUDIES C

ATGE1124
ENGINEERING DRAWING & COMPUTER-AIDED DESIGN AND DRAFTING A-


ATGE1323
PRINCIPLES OF ELECTRICAL AND ELECTRONIC ENGINEERING F


ASCG1001
FOOTBALL (LEVEL 1) S


ASCG2001
FOOTBALL (LEVEL 2) S

went to klcc alone coz i decided to have sometime alone.i wanted to get the book that charlene reco to me but it was out of stock so i went down borders in times square and its out of stock too...i end up buying THE JOY OF LIVING and ive just started reading.its quite nice.anyway...have a talk with a friend of mine,im not going to mention the name.and the person cheered me up alot and it feels nice to be hearing a familiar voice.mum called me just now and i told her how i felt about my results and she said its okay as long as i did my best =) she agreed to let me learn french too.but i ll be quite sad if i dont do well because she will definitely be disappointed with me even though she reassured me that its ok.but i promise that i will be more hardworking this semester.hope everythings gonna be fine.im tired of being like this.being sad and lonely all the time.sigh

had a meeting this morning.we were asked to choose a post and i chose to be in charge of factory visiting and if i dont get the post,at least give me a post that does not involve with money because im tired of being a treasurer.all these money stuff is killing me and having to ask money from a friend can sometimes ruin friendship.sigh.

going to enrol for the fench class tomorrow but dont know if they will be conducting it this semester as im the only person who is applying for it.my previous sem results are coming out on friday and i doubt that i will do well even though i studied quite hard.prolly because i dint study hard enough or is it that im stupid??

decided to go out with wee leong and hang ot at pavilion mall as staying at home will only make me end up feeling sad.pavilion is huge but there are still quite some stores that are still under renovation.but its nice.

charlene recommended a book to me Battlefield Of The Mind.hmm ive decided to buy it since i think that this book might help me.

back to studying.am i being kiasu??sigh...i dont wana get bad results again.....sigh...

charlene showed me tis funny clip about teletubbies and it cheered me up a little.thx



kuiyin...thx for your comment and thanks for cheering me up.hugss** i owe you one =)

Last night after chatting with charlene through msn,I told her that I was heading to bed but I couldnt sleep so I lied on the bed for nearly 2 hours reminiscing my past and trying to think what went wrong in my life.but im still thinking now.i couldnt think of the reason everything went in the opposite direction,if this is an endurance test,I give up.i lose.i cant stand any much longer.im going mad.

 

I really feel like im a disgrace to my family.ive wasted a lot of money and yet I dint even proved myself worthy of it.when I was 6,I had an operation for both of my eyes.biletral squint.it cost over 10k dollars and during my 9 years of wearing specs,I think ive used over 100 pairs of them as I used to ruin it when I was in a bad mood.my specs werent cheap either.most of them were around 2++ as it has to be custom made to fit me and the lenses werent the usual because im not short-sighted either.when I was 15,the doctor said I dont have to wear spectacles already as my eyesight was normal and better than a lot of ppl.i thought this was the end of the money spending spell.but after I took off my glasses everything went another way.i started going out with my friends almost every weekend spending lots of money everytime we went out.sigh.i even lost 2 handphones within half a year.great right??together both phones totaled 4k.im a great spender right.

 

last year I broke my right collar bone during a football match and the operation was nearly 6k.even though it was paid by the insurance company,my parents still had to pay 10% of it.during may when I went to kl for my diploma studies,my dad bought a laptop for me which was 4k.i wanted to study in sg as I will be staying with my aunt and that will reduce the cost for everything,even the tuition fees but I played and dint really study hard to my SPM so I couldnt get what I wanted for my studies.every month I spend over 1k alone.allowance,stay and phone bills.

 

i went all the way down to sg by bus and I spend nearly 700 ringgit for 6 days.sigh.great right.next year I have to do the operation on my shoulder again to remove the steel support and I dont know if the insurance companys paying it.but I dont want to do the operation because I dont to waste my parents money and I dont want to experience the same thing all over again.lying on the bed for 3 weeks doing nothing.but the doctor says I have to.sigh.

 

Theres nothing good about me.i still cant find any part of me thats good.i cant always play well in football.it depends on my mood.sigh.if im sad I play like crap.for studies,I studied so damn freaking hard for my exams this sem but I doubt that my results will be good.sigh.ive really lost my hope and determination.i thought I could do really well but when the lecturer told us about the bad news,I was shocked.i thought this time I would not disappoint my parents but maybe im wrong again.someone please save me from all this mess.can I swap life??sunder with someone.

 

why do I have to experience all this?why cant I just be a normal kid??and ordinary person??just like my other friends??live an ordinary life,have a nice good and kind girlfriend or boyfriend by their side comforting them when they are sad?sigh.who can I turn to when im really sad??like now?in the bus?maybe its because I contributed 0 in love and that I suck in it?i mean in terms of expressing it?or maybe its that im too naïve??everytime I thought its gonna end up well but im always wrong.it always backfires.sigh.should I give up??i think so.

 

or maybe its that im not complacent with my hectic life??am I thinking too much??or is it a reality??i need answers to all this crap.what have I done in the past to deserve all this?or is it that I dont practice enough random kindness?why do I bother writing so much,no one reads it anyway.life often sucks.

tonights my last night in sg.going back to kl tomorrow at 12 noon.i dont want to go back.sigh.i want to stay here.i dont feel like going back to school.sobs...

went out with ms. sia today.the sweet lady drag me to do a free eye check up.she was supposed to do it.but it ended up with both of us doing the check up.my eyes are near perfect ^_^ and i dont need specs.can you believe it?

we went to starbucks and this time she bought me a drink.thanks girl.went to adidas originals and bought a pair of porsche design originals.was quite reluctant to buy it because it was abit too exp but she supported me so in the end i bought it.been dying to get one of those.





i hate JIE YING....haha shes so EVIL and MEAN....i thought to being a good samaritan.i introduced her a place that sells nice kolo mee but i ended up being scolded...sigh...stupid girl..i think a drink for the wrong girl -_-

results will be coming out on the 19th.dont think my results will be good.maybe its because i dint try hard enough.sigh.got to do harder next sem.cant afford to let my parents down again.sigh...

ps:charlene.thanks for going out with me this afternoon.its really good to be seeing you again.but you looked pale this time.you have to eat more.thanks for the drink and for your support when i was reluctant to get that pair of shoes.thanks again for accompanying me back to kembangan.i think its the first time we go out together right??i mean just the 2 of us.haha and its the first time we took mrt together.haha.she slapped me....hahhah when i told her that i was sleepy =.= haha.heys...everythings gonna be fine aite...cheer up.if theres anything that you need my help just tell me aite...cheerssssss

in sg now...wed was my worse experience in woodlands,singapore...the customs....pathetic....hold me off for nth....cant i bring a fucking laptop into sg for personal use??idiot....do i dress like a poor guy wanting to sell off his laptop??i never knew the prices for laptops in malaysia are cheaper than sg...pathetic...made me waste 18 sing dollars to take a freaking cab back coz i missed my stupid bus...coz i wasted 20 mins in the stupid customs office....ive been to SG for N times and this is my worse experience....sigh summore its a chinese who held me off...can you believe that???

met up with jie ying yesterday afternoon.haha its nice seeing her again.her faces rounder now and i tink she looks nicer with it...she brought me around and we went to plaza singapura,suntec city,marina square,esplanade and went for a drink at the coffee connoisseur.not bad is all ive got to comment.took a mrt to kembangan and my aunt fetched me back to her house.jie ying sez i slimmed down... *blush* hahah

charlene,cheer up aite...be happy...look at the bright side.like barney.hahah everythings gonna be fine...

jie ying....hhaha ang mos are handsome rite??hahhah

a new sem,a new start.i will ry and do harder than my previous sem.

had a great night just now.went out with frens:harry,johnson,sam,kui yin,natalie and charlene.went to starbucks.there isnt any word in the dictionary that could possibly describe my feelings tonight.feeling both sad and happy at the same time.how ironic it is.im sad coz this might be the only chance that we could get together and chat like this.im happy coz we were able to make it just now even though i paid for most of the drinks except for sams and kui yins.i paid half for harrys and johnsons.but i tink its worth it.

i dont feel like going back to kl.i will surely miss every one of you here.i really wish i could turn back time or at least stop the time from moving.lifes hard but i made this decision of leaving kuching and continue my studies in kl.this is what ive to suffer.my heart is so heavy now.wished someone could help me carry it.sigh. T.T this is the first time i felt like that.to be frank,i really feel like crying. =(

guys thx for being with me tonight.i owe you guys a big one.this might be our last gathering i think as everyone of you will be taking your very own path.may god bless every one of you.good luck in your test.

kui yin....i dont know if we could meet again before you leave for aus,so good luck and god bless you.i feel really lucky to have you as a friend and as a scout sister.once a scout,always a scout.never give up on scout yea.no matter what you do,i will always support you ^_^ if you face any trouble,you can always find me.whenever i tink of the happy times we used to have during scout and when we go out,i feel very happy.i tink you feel the same way too right?

connie.....sorryyyy for the late reply... =( i will try to make it up to you next time yea ^_^

charleneeee.....hhaha thx for being able to make it tonight.when i go sg,starbucks again yes???take k and god bless you =)

its been a long long time since i last wrote something here...will be writing again when i go back KL.just got my new credit card =) will have to control my expenses =X

i dont know when will my results come out...so nervous...dont know if i do well....

i made a bet with char few days ago.if she can pass her driving test without failing,i will get her something nice.but i dont think she will be able to make it coz i will pray really hard that she fails.but i too will pray that she passes it.its ironic isnt it?

PS:Charlene,sorry if we cant make it to the starbucks in kuching,but i will try my best to make it up to you when i go down to sg =) u better be free when im there =Þ it seems that your mood is getting better and better in kuching.haha keep it up =)