theres so many things that i wish i could just forget about it and act as if none of them ever occur in the first place.i doubt that you even know that ure still in my mind.tattooed deep into my skin.and whenever i look upon the scar,i see you face.everytime when it comes so close for me to date a girl,the image of you and the thoughts come rushing up my brain.making me stop the very next step.and this isnt the first time.why is this happening?i tried forgetting you but saying is always easier than done.what do i really have to do to have you or at least forget you and move on?can someone give me a decent answer?i doubt no one can.not even you.if there is really a chance to be will you,i will try my best and salvage the very chance.if theres really one.friends laugh at me,for being so foolish and stubborn.being in an unrequited love.but deep inside theres still lots of stuff that none of them know.prolly not even you.ive tried proving that im still into you but i duno if you got them right.im really tired of this crap.can you at least give me a clear answer?is there any hope or chance left for salvation?tell me there is.i really wish that i still had the courage like i used to.to stand up again.but i dont have and i dont even think i could get it bad so quickly.its buried deep inside the gravel where there is no hope.

maybe its because im too afraid to fail again.maybe its because my heart hardened after all the things the happened in the recent years.fearing that things will only worsen instead of the other way round.and if the worst scenarios happen,we might not even be friends anymore,for the fear for hurting each other.or maybe its best we remain at the current state and move no further along the path.

sometimes,i lie on the bed for hours thinking about my life and whats really behind all these.but most of the times i just end up with the answer sheet empty.i dont really understand what ive done wrong.my girl friends say maybe its because im too good with almost everyone especially girls.and thats why they treat me as a brother.is treating everyone kind a sin too?is it really bad to be too good or too kind to everyone?do i really have to be selfish?

the reason i changed so much when i came to kl for my diploma was you.i changed alot.and i dare swear that my lifestyle here is totally different compared to kuching and i am more hardworking than before.prolly a hundred times more.i used to be a very rebellious kid.but right now,im different.the old me is gone now.this is the new me.all because of you.

if its not for you,i dont think i will be this hardworking.i doubt that i will be here blogging and study till midnight and sometimes till dawn.im really grateful of you being the catalyst.hoping that some of my determination will prove to everyone that they are wrong for saying that this isnt an unrequited one.